This three years and three months in the wilderness with God has done nothing if not teach me how to deal with rejection..... and most of it has been from within my own family. Wow. And I'm not having a pity party here, I'm just realizing that we, as sinners, will always manifest who we truly are: broken and lost.
The latest installment comes from the person who's provided the most in volume and certainly the most consistent rejection (of me, my kids, my housekeeping skills, my time management skills, my writing skills, etc...) since entering this amazing journey.
Would it be SO hard to ask me if I wanted to go a party of someone that I know better than HE does? That the whole reason he even knows this friend is because WE introduced him to him. And the answer is yes, it would be and is utterly impossible for him to extend a simple invitation to me, his daughter, because of the profound rejection he knows as well as his own skin. He has NO idea how NOT to shut people out. Just because I understand this dynamic from a spiritual and intellectual point of view doesn't make it any less painful. I'm so tired of this I could just scream and I can't wait to be AWAY from this family so at least I won't KNOW about everything that I'm not invited to .
But this is such a good reminder for me: I'm every bit as consistent in my sin and in my flesh. Why should someone else be different? Why hold another to a different standard just because he or she is my parent? Why indeed? Because I continue to seek someone who will please stand up and be the grown-up in my life? It's just not going to happen.
I have been disowned because I refused to agree with one parent on a diagnosis for a grandchild whom she has only seen three times in his life and the other one appears to be stuck in a crevass of love-withheld and rejection.
I'm looking forward to NOT being the dumping ground anymore. I have MORE than enough of my own sin and shortcomings to deal with without an audience.