It's the day after Thanksgiving. My husband's at work and has been since the middle of the night to greet all the wonderful people who help finance our wonderful life here in our little castle by the sea. I'm tired; feeling the effects of two days worth of cooking, dealing with my daughter's stress level which seems to be shooting higher with each passing day and with no relief in sight, and I'm feeling like I might be getting "the crud". Yuck.
The mail comes and in it are the results from Hayden's October neuropyschological/developmental evaluation with the DD system. I begin to read the words; clinical, objective, based on the conversations between us and the neuropyschologist and the DD intake worker. And the tears come. Not because I disagree with their findings but because they are accurate in their black and white portrayal of what our son is and is not capable of. Sadly the "is not" column is tilting the scales. Hot tears stream uncontrollably. I want to scream out, "this is NOT the Hayden we live with! Yes he has delays but it's not this bad everyday!! You're not seeing him how God sees him, how WE see and interact with him everyday." I can't stop the tears now and quickly scoot into the downstairs bathroom as I hear my daughter come running down the stairs. I dont' want her to see my crying. I try to pull myself together but I'm just sad. I'm sad that this is our son's reality. I'm sad that this is how the world sees him; profoundly mentally retarded. Reality snaps me out of my woller as DP yells through the door, "Hayden got down (from the breakfast table).....followed a few seconds later by, "Hayden got down, he's playing with the remote control and he's soaking wet!".
I splash cold water on my face and face the reality that no one can deny. I still love my precious little man who was created to be a communicator, created to be a healer, who loves to sings praise songs and who didn't ask for any of his reality. I choose to see our beautiful son the way God created him to be.